ok well no more posts until the radiation starts.... having a rest and enjoying life!

Yeah, this morning my mood is good and a feel like I'm doing great. My house needs lots of TLC but mostly my family need TLC. I have been very selfish in getting myself through this. Sleeping all the time. Eating whatever whenever. Self pity. Doctors appointments. And may other things that my family have endured through this damn awful chemotherapy. From September 30th 2009 until about 4 weeks ago I was living on the edge of shear terror about my diagnosis. The terror is not constant anymore but it visits often and sometimes stays for a while.

I am of a quandary about how to express my gratitude to the many people that have showed me kindness and support throughout this. The words, the "jolie" bracelets, the emails, the shoulders I've cried on and rides to treatments. There is nothing that I can do to express what that all means to me. Uplifting my spirit in such a dark time is indescribable.

I am still Jolie, Jolie with cancer. Somedays that cancer treatment kicked my ass, I wished time away knowing that each day brought me closer to feeling like I do today. I get to start over. I get a chance to live my life. I survived Chemotherapy with the help of many people.

OMG! I am done. May the cancer stay away and may I live long and prosper!

Getting really close to my last chemo.... I am feeling really well and I even ran a few miles this morning without too much difficulty. I was being to believe I would never get the strength to run again. Ahh the depressive and debilitating effects of chemo. But what started as just a walk up to Tilles Park turned into a run to the end of the street, to running to the park, to running half way around the park, to all the of the way around the park to running all the way home. I was proud and exhilarated to make it home with sweat.

There are so many dark thoughts.. they all involve my children. How does a parent say goodbye to the thing they love the most?
My heart skips a beat, I feel like throwing up and tears coming flooding to eyes at even a tiny thought of leaving my children. It is my biggest fear. Nobody loves children like a mother. Most of my fears I have talked about and most of my questions I have found answers but this is something so horrible and terrifying I cannot talk about it.

So I need to survive the last chemo and the prepare myself for the radiation. The fear of leaving my children will near leave my thoughts.