Getting really close to my last chemo.... I am feeling really well and I even ran a few miles this morning without too much difficulty. I was being to believe I would never get the strength to run again. Ahh the depressive and debilitating effects of chemo. But what started as just a walk up to Tilles Park turned into a run to the end of the street, to running to the park, to running half way around the park, to all the of the way around the park to running all the way home. I was proud and exhilarated to make it home with sweat.

There are so many dark thoughts.. they all involve my children. How does a parent say goodbye to the thing they love the most?
My heart skips a beat, I feel like throwing up and tears coming flooding to eyes at even a tiny thought of leaving my children. It is my biggest fear. Nobody loves children like a mother. Most of my fears I have talked about and most of my questions I have found answers but this is something so horrible and terrifying I cannot talk about it.

So I need to survive the last chemo and the prepare myself for the radiation. The fear of leaving my children will near leave my thoughts.