Liver

I knew it... my surgery site is too bruised. The excision of the lymph site looks great but the cancer site removal looks colourful and feels rock hard. "How did I bleed out?" Who cares , nothing I can do about it except watch for infection. It 's been like that since surgery and prior to my run on Saturday. Running 5km with a hematoma in my breast just made it more memorable. But it's getting so much better. Hopefully it won't delay my chemo.

The numbness under my arm is decreasing and burning sensation continues. My nipple feels like I've been out in minus 10F for a week.

I saw Dr S Westfall yesterday for results and follow up. I didn't tell her I'd been running but she thought the bleeding was probably due to how how close she was to my pectoral muscle. The tumour was 2.3x 1.7x 1.8cm, so it lost 3mm not 6mm. Lots of other jargon that on the whole is good. Dr Westfall said I was lucky, I already know that.

Yesterday I saw the oncology NP. I received my genetic test results, they were negative. There are 2 mutations they can check for at this time. We think I have a genetic factor because my grandmother, my father and mother all had cancer but the science is not there yet to find the mutation.

Yesterday I also asked the NP to review my results from all of my testing.... everything looked good except two areas on my liver that can not be ruled out for metastasis. O.K right then and there I knew I could never go for an appointment by myself again. I nearly passed out. Do you cry? Do you call a friend? What do you do? I was handed some Kleenex with a sincere pat on the arm. I told her just to give me a minute. I gathered my thoughts and put my nurse head on. But the NP was two steps a head of me, she was going to talk with Dr Hu. He is not concerned but will do a PET scan to make me feel better... I know how radiologist work they cover everything...I don't feel it in my liver, it just can't be there. My lymph nodes are negative except for the single cancer cells that mean nothing....If Dr Hu was concerned he would have ordered the PET scan after the result first came in, not when the patient freaks out. So the PET should be negative.

I am freaking out. I'm feeling nauseous and nervous all the time. And in total denial...

The NP committed to say I would be getting chemo and asked if I'd considered a port . Well if all I'm getting is 6-8 chemo treatments then maybe not. It seems like a waste of time for just a few treatments but who the heck knows what the future will bring. So bring on the port. My husband will need to take more time off work on the placement day. I didn't know whether to ask someone to take me.I hate to burden someone with sitting in surgery for half a day. My husband signed up for that when he said, "I do". But I think I will ask someone to come so Jason doesn't take more time off.

Next week I'm going for a short haircut. So I can slowly get used to looking at myself with no hair and I can control that loss. My husband is sad I'm cutting it. I think it's sad because I think I have control.