Feeling good... and pleased about people "feeling" their boobs or going for a Mammogram. Knowing your boobs is the answer... after I found my lump I never felt it again unless medical staff needed me to. If I didn't feel it maybe it would go away? It was hard for me not to suggest every person I know feel the lump so everyone knows what to feel for.. Anything to help anyone else to go through this or not go through this.

I saw my ob/gyn 4 weeks prior to my diagnosis and she felt nothing. So if you are like me and thought the doctor will find anything that is abnormal, think again. Because there is no way the doctor should not have felt that lump but she didn't. I don't blame her, I am not mad at her. I save that anger for myself. How stupid was I ? How did it get so big and I didn't feel it ? How did I let this happen?

I look at pictures of me during the summer and know it was there then...I looked so happy and carefree in the pictures. I had a great summer hiking, biking and camping with my husband. But I am spooked out to think of that thing growing in me.

I know the news media is full of mammogram reports and recommendations. There was also a report about women not doing self exams. I am unsure what to think about all the reports. I don't have the mental energy to think global. I can think about the women I know and know that some don't go for mammograms, don't feel their own boobs and are too young to worry about it happening to them. I am that person so what right do I have to tell the government/scientist/health plans/doctors/researchers what other women should do about mammograms when I did exactly what their research showed.

My future holds breast MRI's and mammograms galore. CT and PET scans. Because the government/scientist/health plans/doctors/researchers have many other studies and reports of what happens to me now. Reports I am not ready to read because like prior to all of this I was afraid to know.