Now it feels real. I felt totally catatonic.. my head still feels like I'm floating in space. I was so glad to see the sun shining through the window this morning. It was a long night. I feel so pathetic. This is my first treatment and I feel like I should be doing and running.. but I can hardly go to the bathroom. I would never wish this on anyone. I feel like a total failure. This too will pass. Why did I want chemo?... oh, to live.